


I lose my courage when I need it the most

by jaeyoonijagi



Category: K-pop, NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Fluff, M/M, Sexual Assault, Taeyong needs a hug, johnny is the sweetheart we all know and love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-30
Updated: 2017-12-31
Packaged: 2019-02-24 01:06:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13202442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaeyoonijagi/pseuds/jaeyoonijagi
Summary: Taeyong hated being the leader. At the same time he would never want to pass the role down to another member for reasonable reasons.





	1. The happening

**Author's Note:**

> There is some rather disturbing interactions between Taeyong and an unnamed CEO in this, CEO will not have a name and is not to point out someone. If you feel uncomfortable reading that, don't read this fic, because it's basically based around their interactions. THIS IS TAGGED WITH RAPE FOR SAFETY. NO ACTUAL SEXUAL ACTIVITY IS IN IT. 
> 
> This is only part one where like basically everything happens. There isn't necessarily an anxiety attack in here as the tags say but next part will have. 
> 
> If you or someone you know is currently being sexually harassed, know that there is help and you're not alone. You do not deserve that treatment.  
> ALSO I REALIZED I SPELLED MINHYUNG AS MINYOUNG AND TRIED TO READ IT THROUGH ONCE MORE BUT LETTERS AND I DO NOT GO HAND IN HAND SO I APOLOGIZE IF YOU SUDDENLY GET A FEELING YOU’RE READING A FIC ABOUT BRAVE GIRLS AND NOT NCT THAT’S WHY okay thanks  
>  
> 
> Title is from Mayday Parade's song Even Robots Need Blankets.
> 
>  
> 
> SMALL THING UNRELATED TO THIS:  
> A massive Happy Birthday to Bangtan's Kim Taehyung (V) and Seventeen's Hong Jisoo (Joshua) who both, in western age, turn 22 today! Love you both unconditionally and I hope you both had an amazing birthday <3

Lee Taeyong loved all NCT members with all his heart. He was more than thankful to be part of such a loving group of people who quite literally grew to become a family on their own.  
He loved how the members didn't shy away from stating their opinions or expressing their thoughts, even if it could lead to disagreement. Because they would solve it then and there, they always did. Drama was not needed.  
He loved how the age gap between the older and younger members didn't matter in how they were treated, obviously the Dream unit members looked up to their elders, but the older members would never think of looking down on their youngsters. Who were they to do that? They were all in this together and that's how it should be.  
He loved how they could sense each others' emotions. If someone was feeling blue, they wouldn't have to speak up about it because someone would be by their side in an instant. It didn't matter if they were good actors or not, after years together it was easy to find reality behind a façade. 

 

As much as he loved the members dearly, he couldn't find himself to enjoy being their leader. It wasn't that they were somehow troublesome, or hard to handle. But being the leader meant more than taking care of the members. If something bad was to happen publicly, he was the one who would be called to the CEO's office. It didn't even have to be bad, Taeyong found he would be called in for anything, for reasons that made no sense. These were the times he wished he wasn't the leader. But never would he ever dream to put another member in his position, he'd rather have to deal with this himself than having them know. 

 

This particular morning, the only day off they received since three weeks back, he found himself on the couch across from the CEO's desk, said man staring him dead in the eye.  
"The members are not working fast enough. You should have another choreography down by now but you're not even half way there. NCT 127 is not ready for a comeback at this pace."  
"Sir, they are working really hard already-"  
"It's not enough. Work harder."  
"Sir, they cannot work harder than they are, they will break-"  
"They signed up for this. And as for you, if you are not willing to work harder I might have to let you go. As a leader, your role is to make sure everything goes as it should. You should have taken a stand when they were starting to slack. I don't need lazy people at my company, but you know...with such a pretty face you could probably be hired anywhere else. Most likely on the street where you should be."  
Taeyong wasn't sure what to say as he inhaled shakily. He did not practice for endless hours every day to be treated like this. But what could he do? Would he rather risk  his job and the others' safety? No.  
"I'm sorry."  
The CEO went to sit beside the young leader, hand stroking his thigh, leaning in close to his ear.   
"If you don't take matters into your hands, I might have to call Minhyung and have a talk with him instead."  
Taeyong froze. This old man couldn't call in Mark. Mark was way too young for being alone in this office. Taeyong wished he could scream, both from the suggestion but also for having to deal with this sort of treatment from the CEO. If only it had been the first time, he might have been able to report the older, but now it's been years. No one would take him seriously.   
CEO stroke his hair softly. "I have some other ideas of how you could repay not being ready for a comeback."  
Taeyong wanted to vomit. Saying he felt disgusted was an understatement, he had no words for how sick he felt in that moment.   
"You're excused for now. Hope to see you soon again, Taeyong-ah."  
As soon as he walked out of the office and the door closed behind him, he ran to the bathroom and vomited. There just might have been some tears too. He was not ready to go back to the dorm. 

 

 **To Hubby:**    
i will stay and practice while im here

 **From Hubby:**  
are you sure? should i keep you company?

 **To Hubby:**  
you will not because you need some rest

 **From Hubby:**    
as if you dont

He left the message on read and plugged in his phone, removing his hoodie to leave him in a t-shirt which was slightly more fitting for some practice. While stretching lightly he put The 7th Sense, Fire Truck, Limitless and Cherry Bomb in a playlist, making sure not to let one song pass on to the next until he got every single move correctly. 

 

Two hours later he found himself lying on the floor, breathing heavily. It didn't take more than half an hour to get everything right, he already had everything fresh in memory but for some reason he kept going over and over anyway. A knock on the door brought him up and across the floor to unlock the door. He wish he didn't.   
"Just making sure you're practicing.", the CEO was smirking down at him, entering the room without Taeyong being able to stop it. It wasn't like he could tell him what to do.   
"Has something happened, sir?"  
"No, I was just feeling rather lonely up there in my office."  
This did not feel good.   
"So why not come see my pretty little Taeyongie dance?"  
Taeyong stood frozen. He wasn't sure what to do. Sure, the CEO had been all creepy for longer as long as he could remember but never had he been so...forward?  
"What are you waiting for? I wanna see Cherry Bomb."  
Taeyong walked over to the sound system and put the track on. He probably danced worse than he has ever done before but in this moment he was thankful his legs were working. Keeping his eyes shut through-out the song in order to not lock eyes with the CEO's, the loud music blocked out the older man's steps as he walked closer and closer to the young man. When the song was finished, Taeyong opened his eyes and jumped slightly over how close the other had gotten. How could he not realize? He made a mental note to lower the volume of the music.   
"You truly are mesmerizing."  
"I-I....t-thank you?"  
The older man walked closer until they were barely a meter apart. Taeyong wanted to back away but he stood frozen in his spot, terrified of the whole situation.   
"I would love to have you doing a private dance for me, Yongie."  
"I-I need t-to go."  
Suddenly he was janked closer, the rough grip on his arm didn't feel like anything because of the adrenaline.   
"You do as I tell you."  
The older man grabbed his waist, pulling them flush close to each other. As soon as Taeyong felt something hard press into his hip, he was brought back to reality and finally found strength to fight back. He started pushing the other man, who was startled over the sudden change in behavior, and broke free from the grip, not without a nasty mark around his upper arm where the rough hand previously had a hold. He dashed for his hoodie and grabbed the phone in order to leave the place, almost making it to the door when the CEO took a hold of his wrist and pinned him to the wall.   
"Where do you think you're going? A little rude to leave an old man in need, isn't it?"  
"Let go!", the younger yelled, the older man jumping from not expecting the young man to get any words out.   
"Let's go to my office, shall we?"  
"Leave me alone!", he kept janking his own arm, trying to break free, not standing much of a chance against the bigger man.   
"Lower your tone. You want someone to hear you?"  
"Go away!"  
Suddenly Taeyong felt his head snap to the side, cheek stinging painfully.   
"Shut the fuck up. I'll leave you alone for today but only because I'm tired. You better listen the fuck up next time or else Minhyung is going to have a fun time."  
The older man pressed himself against the other, Taeyong wanting to scream from what poked him in the stomach, but the CEO had enough of him yelling and layed a hand across the smaller man's mouth.   
"On the other hand I'm sure Minyoung would listen better than you, you filthy whore. You don't think I know about your relationship with Youngho? You think I'm blind? He won't want you when he finds out what your dirty ass have been doing all this time."  
Taeyong felt the tears well up in his eyes. He would not let them fall. He would not give that satisfaction to the older.   
"Tough luck princess. I'll tell him your dirty little secret if you do not listen to me. Who do you think he'll believe? You, his group member and boyfriend or me, the CEO in charge of his job? Didn't mean to break your little heart, but you know where my office is when NCT falls apart because of you. Think twice before considering telling someone, sweetheart. I'll make all your precious children's lives a living hell."  
With a soft kiss to the idol's cheek, the older left. Taeyong stayed against the wall for a minute or two before deciding to head back to the dorm. The whole forty minute walk, he kept telling himself not to let a single tear fall. He would not worry the others. 

 

Entering the dorm never felt so nice, even if the volume was rather high, he wouldn't have it any other way. At least they were doing well, which is all he asked for. Looking at the time, he realized it was almost time for dinner so he went into the kitchen to prepare.   
"You're back, hyung!", Minhyung exclaimed as he saw the leader enter the kitchen.  
"Oh, Minhyung-ah!"  
Taeyong would be lying if he didn't feel like crying seeing the other. He looked so happy and innocent, and it was more than the older could take. He motioned for the younger to come closer, who did as he was told but carried a confused expression at the sudden change in atmosphere. And Taeyong did the only thing he could think of - he hugged the young male close.   
"Eh, hyung? Are you alright?"  
The older just nodded and held on tighter.   
"You know hyung loves you, right?"  
Minhyung pulled back and looked at the older, a raised eyebrow. "Yeah? of course I do! I love you too, hyung!"  
"Just wanted to make sure you knew.", the older whispered and kissed the younger's forehead.   
"What happened to your cheek?"  
Taeyong thought back to what happened and realized he forgot to do some sort of cover-up on the cheek he was slapped on. Putting on his best puzzled expression, he raised his hand to touch his cheek, which was aching painfully, before smiling.   
"I must've fallen or something. I can't recall anything else."  
"You must be careful, hyung! What would we do if you got severely injured?"  
Did Taeyong feel like crying or did he feel like crying?   
He sent the younger a smile. He was about to answer when Youngho entered the kitchen.   
"Taeyong-ah!"  
"I'll leave you two.", Minhyung said, feeling awkward to be between the couple of the group.   
"I was getting worried, you know!"  
"Sorry, I didn't mean to stay for more than an hour but time ran away."  
"Today was supposed to be a rest day."  
"It's fine, really."  
"What did the CEO want to talk about?"  
Taeyong stopped dead in his tracks.   
"H-he just think we're working too little."  
"Too little? Is he joking?"  
"He thinks everything is going well but the choreography."  
Youngho sighed. "I kid you not, that man is hard to please."  
Taeyong just nodded. He went to the fridge to look what they had when the older of the two present in the kitchen grabbed his hand. Youngho pulled the younger closer and hugged him to himself. Taeyong inhaled deeply. One word to describe how he felt in that moment would definitely be safe. Safer than he felt the whole day. He wrapped his arms around the taller's neck and breathed in the other's scent, hoping he would never forget it. Youngho started rocking them back and fourth.   
"Let's just order some takeout.", he whispered and pulled back to kiss the other's forehead. Taeyong grabbed his face, startling the older, and pulled him down enough for their lips to meet. All he could think of in that moment was Youngho. He tried to forget all about the day by drowning himself in the guy he sincerely loved. It didn't work. It didn't stop the nausea. It didn't stop the hand print on his arm and wrist from burning. It didn't stop his tears from wanting to spill over.   
"I missed you.", he whispered as he pulled away. "But I gotta leave you for a while to shower."  
"Want me to come with you?"  
Taeyong bumped their noses together. "Maybe another time. Also, I'm not really hungry so don't consider me in the calculation."  
Youngho raised an eyebrow and was about to speak when Taeyong pecked his lips again before leaving the kitchen and headed to the bathroom. 

 

He undressed slowly and carefully, feeling a strange type of exhaustion. For once in a long time, he wasn't tired in his bones and limbs - it was all mentally. He felt so mentally drained he wanted to go sleep away all bad feelings. If only it worked like that.   
Examining the bruises on his arm and around his wrist made him want to vomit once again. Holding down all bile, he went to step into the shower, longing for the warm water to make him clean again. Once under the warm stream, he began scrubbing his skin roughly, telling himself he'd only to so until he was clean. There's no way he can shower for twenty minutes without becoming clean. He didn't go easy on the schampoo and conditioner either, pulling hard for every single strand to be washed. Then he went back to his skin. No matter how much he scrubbed, it didn't lessen his feelings. His skin was already red at this point, not only from scratching but also the temperature of the water. Realizing he was never going to ever become clean again, he broke down. Tears he's been holding in the whole day fell faster than the water in Niagara falls and he did his all to hold in his sobs. He sank to the floor and sobbed into his knees. He couldn't stop even if he wanted to, everything just hurt to bad. He did freeze until the water stopped running, before he had the time to look up, a towel was wrapped around his shoulders and one towel covered his hair, hands softly drying the wet, dark hair. When the hands stopped caressing his head, he felt lips press against his forehead.   
"Are you ready to move?", the oldest member of NCT 127 asked. Taeyong just nodded.   
Taeil brought the younger to their shared room, making sure not to meet any other member. Taeyong was still crying, doing all to hold in all sound until they closed the door behind them. Taeil guided him to his bed and went to the closet to pick out something for the younger to wear. When the younger was dressed and seemingly calmed down, Taeil sat down beside him on the bed.   
"Should I get Youngho?"  
Taeyong shook his head. He didn't want his lover to see him this weak, this vulnerable.   
"What happened to your arm?"  
"I-I...I fell."  
"Taeyong-ah. It looks like handprints on both your wrist and upper arm."  
Taeyong couldn't respond. If he opened his mouth now, he'd break down in tears again. He didn't want to put that on Taeil.   
"Was...was it Youngho?"  
Taeyong snapped his head up to face the older, eyes wide. He shook his head frantically. Taeil breathed out.   
"Good. For a while I got worried there. But I really need to know who it was."  
"It's not important.", Taeyong whispered.   
"Yes it is! Someone's hurting you!"  
"It doesn't matter! Just drop it!"  
"I'm not going to pretend you aren't hurt because you don't want to tell me! You obviously wouldn't break down in tears over the smallest thing, Tae."  
The tears were welling up again.  
"I can't tell you."  
"Why can't you tell me?"  
"I just can't."  
"Taeyong-ah."  
Taeyong blamed the concern in Taeil's voice for his second breakdown. The waterfalls started once again, his head falling into his hands to shield him from the embarrassment he was feeling over once again being weak instead of the strong leader NCT deserves. He kept crying, not caring if he wasn't quiet, it hurt too much to know his fellow members would be in trouble if he spoke up about it. Taeil brought him into his chest, stroking his back and hair, shushing him softly. Taeyong was thankful he wasn't told it would be okay because it certainly did not feel like it would be.   
He heard the door open and Taeil softly told whoever entered to lock the door. The bed dipped on the other side of him, another set of hands touching his body softly. The mere difference in the touches he received now opposed to earlier the same day made his heart swell. Now he didn't feel like vomiting. He didn't feel his muscles aching from being too tensed.   
"Honey?"  
How he wanted nothing but to curl into his boyfriend's warm embrace. Too bad he didn't deserve it.   
He felt Taeil shift and unlock his arms from around the younger as a stronger pair took hold of him. He could hear Youngho asked Taeil about why he was so upset, but Taeil barely had a clue himself. Taeyong let one hand down from his face, one hand now covering his mouth to muffle his sobs and one gripping Youngho's shirt. The action made the older pull him closer and plant a kiss on his head.   
"I'm here, baby. I'm here."  
He stopped crying after spending ten minutes in the arms of Youngho who kept kissing his head while whispering all sorts of comforting words that weren't 'It will be okay'.   
"Taeyongie? Can you show us your arm?"  
Taeyong pulled back, shirt sleeve covering his eyes to dry the remaining tears on his face before Taeil grabbed the shirt. "I'll pull it off, alright? Is that okay?"  
Taeyong just nodded and helped Taeil get the shirt off. As soon as his upper body was bare again, he felt his arm being grabbed carefully by Youngho.   
"Who did this?"  
The rage in Youngho's tone scared Taeyong. Taeyong saw how the older was scanning his upper body, eyes getting stuck on his chest where visible angry red lines went from all directions.   
"Taeyong. Who did this?"  
"I did."  
His statement caused Taeil to look up too.   
"Why would you do that?"  
"Because I'm dirty."  
"You're scaring me."  
"What about the hand prints and your face?", Taeil spoke up.   
"I can't tell you."  
Youngho grabbed his face, forcing the younger to look at him.   
"Who?"  
Tears lined his vision again. Youngho ran his thumbs under his boyfriend's eyes, capturing tears before they fell. He leaned forward, heads bumping together.   
"Who, Taeyongie? It's all I'm asking."  
Taeyong mumbled something under his breath.  
"What did you say, love?"  
"The CEO."  
It was as if the whole room suddenly stood still.   
"T-the CEO?", Taeil asked. Taeyong turned to him to answer when suddenly Youngho stood up. He was about to unlock the door when Taeyong ran after him.  
"Youngho stop!"  
"No I won't fucking stop! It's not fucking okay for him to grab you!"  
Taeyong stayed quiet and looked down.   
"That's...that's not all to the story is it?"  
Taeyong didn't say anything and just hugged the older, burying his face in the other's chest. He felt Youngho kiss his head and hugged him tight.   
"I'll go check the others. Will you two be alright for now?"  
Taeyong could feel Youngho nod on top of his head. As soon as he heard the door unlock, open and close, he moved up to kiss the older's neck.   
"He...he told me if I told anyone he would make all of our lives a living hell. And he would do the same to Minhyung as he did to me."  
"What same?"  
"He came to watch me dance. Wanted a private dance he said. And then he got too close and I could feel how aroused he was. I tried to leave but he pinned me to the wall and told me how he would tell you how dirty I am and how you would believe him and leave."  
"I would never.", Youngho's voice was thick and quiet, making Taeyong look up. He laughed softly.   
"Babe, why are you crying?"  
"I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you."  
"It's not even your fault, I shouldn't even have been there for longer than an hour."  
"Don't you dare."  
They stayed in the middle of the room, not really moving.   
"What will happen now?"  
"I don't know, love...I don't know."


	2. the aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is Taeyong through the aftermath of what happened basically and it was quite hard for me to write because it got too personal, so if it goes way out of character, I'm sorry, I'll try to keep it objective. Also, the anxiety attack is purely based on my own experience so if it doesn't fit with what you thought/have experienced, I sincerely apologize.
> 
> I HOPE YOU'RE ALL HAVING A GOOD NEW YEARS EVE AND HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU ALL <3 Let's look forward to a new year with NCT and Kpop. The last song I'm listening to is actually Without U by NCT U haha because it got me through December 18. HAPPY NEW YEAR <3 where I live it's 2018 in 7 minutes. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy this ^^

He didn't expect it to be so difficult to explain to the others when explaining to Youngho when alone in his and Taeil's shared room was easier than taking the shower he took before. But he kept tumbling over his words, tongue refusing to stop twisting. They did not bring the Dream members in, except for Minhyung and Donghyuck who were also part of the 127 unit and therefore got the privilege of hearing the same story as the older members. Taeyong left out the part of how the CEO threatened to do the same to Minhyung, not wanting the younger to feel bad. 

 

But it was even harder to explain to the managers. The managers had always been like older brothers to the NCT members, always having their shoulders for the members to take comfort if needed. Taeyong didn't want them seeing him differently.  
"Did you say it's been going on for years?"  
Taeyong nodded, still not looking at the elders.   
"Why didn't you tell us sooner?"  
Suddenly it became difficult to breathe.   
_They don't believe you._  
_You're in this alone._  
_It's your own fault after all._  
_If you didn't style your hair that morning it wouldn't have happened._  
_If you worked hard enough to begin with it wouldn't have happened._  
_If you didn't stay an extra hour it wouldn't have happened._  
_If you didn't take of your hoodie it wouldn't have happened._  
_If you protected yourself it wouldn't have happened._  
He felt one of their managers, Jungsu, grab his hands, trying to make eye contact, which he still refused.   
"No one should have to go through this. I wish you would've told us earlier so we could've gotten you out before it got this bad."  
If they only knew this wasn't the worst time. If only he didn't break now everything would be fine and as usual.   
"You know it's not your fault, right?"  
Taeyong nodded slightly.  
"Taeyong-ah.", their other manager, Junmyeon, spoke up. "This will be a long, rocky road. But we'll be with you through it all."  
He nodded again.   
"We'll go call the police, will you be okay until we come back?"  
Taeyong finally looked at them, a small smile on his lips. "Yeah."  
He could see both of them visually relax before they both smiled back and left.   
"I'm going to shower."  
"I'll come with you."  
"No, it's fine."  
One look from Youngho made him stop going against the older. 

 

"You know, if you don't want me to shower with you, I won't. I'll look away if you want, but I beg of you to let me be in here. I don't want you to injure yourself more."  
"You can shower with me if you want.", Taeyong said as he wrapped his arms around the taller's neck, brushing their noses together.   
"Are you sure?", Taeyong nodded and smiled softly, a smile which Youngho returned before connecting their lips. Nothing about the interaction was heated, it was nothing but soft and loving.   
The same went for the shared shower. Youngho handled Taeyong with such gentleness, he wanted to cry from being so cared for. Youngho's hands washed his hair carefully, hands slowly untangling the hair that was tangled, all while Youngho kept asking about how much it hurt. His hands didn't change for the younger's body, Youngho being extra careful around Taeyong's chest where most of the self-inflicted scratches were.   
"Thank you.", Taeyong whispered, not sure what to say to express his gratitude.   
"Thank you.", Youngho told back, more than content with his lover's words. 

 

An hour later they were in the SM building. It would take thirty more minutes for the police to come, managers asking for a private car with dressed down officers for the sake of publicity. The least thing needed now was more negativity.   
The managers decided to drop both Minhyung and Donghyuck off at the Dream dorm, earning some protest from the 127 maknaes. Protests didn't end there, as they decided to only bring the members older than Taeyong including Yuta who's the same age. After convincing the other three that they would make a new group chat for this solemnly, to keep them updated about what was happening, they got to head to the building. They decided to invite Chittaphon into the group chat, poor guy had no idea what was going down as he wasn't updated from the dungeon that damn CEO kept him in. He could swear that CEO had something against him and therefore didn't give him any schedule despite being debuted in the first line up of NCT U. If he didn't hate the CEO before, he definitely did now. What was funny about the Thai member was that he was such a sunshine usually, always smiling brightly and joking around, which made it TEN times scarier when he was angry. Sometimes he would still smile but he would be hostile and passive aggressive which scared all members, no matter if they were younger or older. Even the managers found it scary. Taeyong prayed the CEO wouldn't meet Chittaphon now. Sure, he hated the CEO, but he wasn't sure he wanted to see him dead.   
As they sat in the exact same practice room Taeyong practiced in yesterday. He couldn't stop looking around the room.   
That's where you threw your hoodie.   
That's where he watched you dance.  
That's where he started grabbing onto you.  
That's where you broke free.  
That's where he pinned you to the wall and kissed your cheek.  
"I-I need to g-go to the bathroom."  
Not waiting for approval, he dashed out of the room, ignoring how the others called his name.   
He barely made it inside the bathroom and an empty stall before he emptied what little food he could eat that morning. It didn't take long until a hand brushed back the hair on his forehead and the other hand stroked his back.   
It took him three full minutes to lean away from the toilet and close the lid, Taeil entering his vision.   
"Come here."  
He was pulled into a side hug by the older. They stayed like that for a few minutes before the older stood up and reached out for the younger to help him up. Taeyong gladly took the hand and joined the other in his standing position, leaning back to flush the toilet before walking over to the faucet and washing his face.   
"Did he ever...force you into something else?"  
Taeyong didn't answer, but Taeil took his silence and quivering bottom lip as an answer enough reason to walk up to the younger and give him a hug.   
"I'm so sorry."

 

Taeyong would never have thought it would be this hard. When he told the members in the morning he was fine, or more so, numb. He'd rather be feeling nothing than what he was feeling now. The police had arrived soon after they reunited with the others in the practice room and they were told they would all have to go up to the office and confront the man. Taeyong held onto Youngho's hand for his dear life, taking pity in how the older might break a bone or two, but at the same time he didn't let go. When they were outside the office, Youngho pulled Taeyong back, embracing him roughly. He kissed the younger's forehead twice before the two of them walked up to the others again.   
"I won't leave your side."  
As they stood outside the office, Taeyong suddenly felt his chest tighten. His body was aching for reasons he didn't understand, and it was as if both fingers and feet were waking up without having fallen asleep to begin with.   
One of the officers knocked on the door.   
"You may enter!"  
The officers threw the door up, storming in to take a hold of the man behind the desk before he could understand what was happening.   
"You're under arrest for sexually harassment!"  
Taeyong's eyes locked with the CEO's, who's eyes were angrier than he ever saw them before.   
"You dirty fucking whore."  
Taeyong gripped Youngho's hand tighter, the older responding with a squeeze and pulling the younger closer. Even if the CEO didn't show any sign of breaking out of the officers' grip, Taeyong felt overwhelmed looking at the man, who despite the situation was smirking at him, biting his lower lip while eyeing the young male up and down over and over.   
"Calm down.", Youngho whispered to him, causing Taeyong to look down at their hands, realizing he was squeezing too hard. He couldn't tell himself, he couldn't really feel his hands anymore, only feeling how they were tingling painfully. He was going to answer but as soon as he tried to inhale, his chest closed itself up. That's when he got worried for real. He couldn't breathe. Youngho seemed to get the hint and got Junmyeon's attention. Junmyeon nodded.   
As soon as they left the office, Taeyong broke down. Sobs wrecked the skinny frame, tears falling rapidly as he gasped for air.   
"Taeyong?! Calm down!", Youngho was not sure how to handle the situation. He had never witnessed such behavior before. He went in to hug the other, only to be pushed away.   
"Don't touch me!"  
Youngho froze as the younger hit him in the chest from being too close.   
"Taeyong-ah..."  
Taeyong on the other hand felt like he was dying. His chest was on fire from not breathing properly, body shaking uncontrollably, body not being able to decide whether he should get cold or hot flashes and gave him both. He pulled his hair roughly, not feeling how hard himself. He could be pulling his hair out for all he knew.   
"Calm down!", Youngho sounded stressed.   
"I can't breathe!", Taeyong got out, sounding as if he was choking.   
"Look at me. Taeyong, look at me."  
Youngho grabbed the younger's face, trying to keep his grip even if the younger kept trashing around, wanting no skinship.   
"It's okay. You're okay. Think of nothing but breathing. Just follow me okay? You're okay. Okay, breathe in. Breathe out. Keep repeating after me. In. Out."  
It went slowly, them having to keep doing the same thing over and over for almost fifteen minutes until it started to help. By this time, Youngho had brought them over to the stairs and sat them down as Taeyong was close to passing out. He was almost breathing okay, some breaths becoming rigged but other than that it started to look better. Youngho was still cradling the younger's face, legs beginning to feel numb from sitting in front of the other for such a long time. He sincerely did not feel it until now, to caught up in helping the other to notice.   
"Are you feeling better?"  
Taeyong nodded. He had hit Youngho. Youngho who wanted nothing but to help. He felt fresh tears about to fall.  
"Hey, hey, now...What's wrong?"  
"I-I hi-hit you."  
He started sobbing again. He wanted to punch himself for being so weak but everything felt too overwhelming in this moment.   
"Don't cry babe, it's fine.", Youngho chuckled, wrapping his arms around the other, letting the smaller's head fall in the crook of his neck. "I'm just happy you're alright."  
"Ehm, I hate to interrupt but we need an interview.", one officer stood behind Youngho, rubbing his neck awkwardly.   
"We'll be right there."  
They were left alone once again.   
"Are you ready?"  
Taeyong nodded, rubbing his eyes with his sweater paw.   
"You're too cute."  
Taeyong chuckled softly.   
"Thank you."  
"Aish, stop thanking me! Of course I'm here."  
Taeyong stood up, falling onto Youngho when his legs gave in.   
"Well hello! I never expected you to fall for me.", he nudged their noses together, a habit they both seem to have adapted too. They would make sure not to stop. Taeyong brushed their lips over each other. Youngho pecked him a couple of times.   
"We have to go now. "  
Taeyong's expression dropped a little, not unnoticed by Youngho who kissed his forehead.   
"Together?"  
Taeyong looked at the hand held out towards him.   
"Together."


End file.
